He deserves memories too

September 12, 2014

Tens years since Jamie's passing.  I think about him and miss him everyday.  I truly mean that.  Those aren't just words.  I can not go a day when I don't have a thought of him.  Sometimes it is nice and other times it brings me close to or complete tears.  He is still in my day to day conversations.  He was such a big part of my past, How could he not be? And for that I am beyond grateful.  

Today I made the decision to stay away from Facebook & Instagram.  I know that a lot of folks cared for Jamie and still care and think about him now.  Seeing how he touched so many was one of the reasons why I loved him.  And I love to see how others viewed him and learn even more about their relationships with him.  It really does make my heart happy, but today I selfishly only wanted to remember my memories with him.  

As I was going through my day with plans to have a movie date with Danny boy, Bogey asked me "Do you think you'll talk to Daniel about what today is?"  I responded with a "I'm not really sure."  At that moment I remembered a promise that I made when we lost Jamie.  I said that I would always keep Jamie "present" in our lives.  I didn't want him to just be come a memory for Daniel or some sort of character he heard about.  I want him to KNOW his father.   His success, his failures, his talents, his quirkiness, his humor, his challenges.  And I realized I haven't kept my promise to myself.  And to be honest the main reason is Me.  It is just sometimes to hard to talk about moments with him without sobbing like a baby. I didn't want him to feel bad for me or become upset himself, but I have to realize he is 10 years old. He is becoming an independent young man now not a dependent infant.  

So tonight we had some time and we talked.  Although it was only a few minutes my hope is that we can keep this a continuing interaction.  I let him know that today was the day his father passed away.  How hurt and sad I was.  I wanted Daniel to know how special he was to me.  That because of him, I was able to find strength and courage that I didn't know I possessed.  I reminded him of all the LOVE Jamie had for him.  How Jamie would toss him in the air and after catching him pull him down just hovering the floor and how he would giggle and squeal so much he would almost loose his breath.  That was their thing, and I remember it took me several months to not cringe everytime (which is silly, because those who remembers Daniel as a baby knows how sturdy he was).  I guess that is the difference between Moms and Dads.  

Going forward I want to get out of my own head and share Jamie with him.  I have the support here, Bogey is amazing when it comes to this.  Sometimes it would seem he was sharing more of what he knew of Jamie than I do.  We have friends that knew Jamie either before we were married or after, and some both and we were blessed to create amazing memories with those folks.  And our Family.  My family has great memories to share and I am blessed to still have an amazing relationship with Jamie's family and it tickles me when we go to the Grandparents house and all my boys are playing with The Toys.  Most of which Jamie played with when he was a little guy:) 

As always if you have any memories of Jamie.  Feel free to pass them along.  

Thanks for reading.  

Until next time:) 

What?!?!?

Well here we go.

Needless to say it has been awhile, but I'd like to share how our year is going so far:)  

We have had alot of new things this year.  

Our sweet baby boy Luke was born and now but I can't imagine life without him!

Lucas Michael Bogenschutz
Born March 6, 2013

                                                               

Love this little guy so much

My Boys!

We made a leap and moved our family to Kentucky. Although the journey to the purchase of our new home was to say the least educational and a test of our faith we are enjoying our new home and location.  

It's ours

Breaking in the Front Yard

Swinging

I will try to elaborate on these events soon.  Because they are cool.  Especially Luke;)  

OK so maybe it's not ALOT when written on paper, but whew it certainly felt like more than two events.  

Hopefully, this will ignite me to write more about us:)  

Until next time:) 

Summer break...Day 4

I know, I know!  We are way past day 4, but I'm hoping over the next few days I can get our Summer break memories caught up (at least that is the plan). 
Bogey was scheduled to work on Father's day so we decided to take advantage of a day he did have off.  We choose the Monday prior June 11th to be exact.  He wanted to go to a water park.  The park of choice Typhoon Lagoon.  
It goes without saying we had a blast! 
We even let Dad decide on Lunch.  So we all shared a Sand pail Ice cream.  If you are unfamiliar with it just think of a sand pail full of soft serve ice cream combined with the best choice of sundae toppings you can think of complete with cherry on the top:)  It's all cool with this girl who has a monster of a sweet tooth;) 
As stated before the day was just plain fun from water play to slides, and yes even Jackson who has a tendency to make others feel he is completely miserable in the water, had a blast. 
Here's some photos from the day.  Enjoy!

Shipwrecked

Gang Plank Flanks.  See what I mean about Jackson.  Miserable.

Daniel on the raft

Lunch with Dad

Heading to the slides

This is more his thing:)

Bubble face

Happy boy

Until next time:)

Simple Joys

Hearing the boys signing in the backseat:)

Proud Mom moment

I don't know if it was the gained independence while playing over at a friends house solo, or cuddling on the couch with me for a bit while his brother napped, Or the relief that the Thunderstorm passed over us this evening, or maybe he is buttering me up for something:), but I was so pleased with Daniel this evening. 

Thoughtful, mindful of others, compassionate, responsive (the first time), humble, and very Thankful. 

Now don't get me wrong he always shows the qualities, but they are sometimes jumbled up with some random eight year old boy "stuff" (if I need to fill you in let me know:)). 
Bogey and I always try to remind each other "Compliment the positive."  So tonight as far as compliments go, they were shooting at Daniel left and right.  Again don't get me wrong I love that child more than life itself, but sometimes I admit it, he kinda makes me crazy. 
I think that is because I KNOW how amazing he is and I try my hardest to set him up for his best potential right now. 

OK so I think I have reached my rambling point of the topic, so to wrap up.  I think Daniel is quite an amazing young man and I love him no matter if he is making me CooCoo or blowing me away by how awesome he is.  Thankfully this evening reflected the latter:) 

Until next time:)

Oh, the things they've said lately

Daniel as he is playing with LEGO Star Wars ships and mini figures:
"This is the Star Wars version of World War I." (insert hand presentation by the kid)

Jackson whenever he sees Count Dooku on Clone Wars:
"Wook!  It's Count Coo Coo!" 
side note, This drives Daniel CRAZY! Until next time:)

Summer Break...Day 2

After sleeping in, (YAY!!!) we headed out to Hollywood Studios for one last round of Star Wars Weekends.  Truth be told I really wanted to take some last shot photos with some of the characters, Chewbacca, Shaak Ti, and C3PO & R2D2.  We did see one of the show special to SWW.  Daniel really enjoyed it and that made me a happy mom geek:)  Sad to say due to the weather (imagine that) we did not accomplish a visit with all the above, but we did meet up with the Wonderful Wookie.  The boys enjoyed the chance to meet up with him.  Again score one for the geek in me:)  Regardless it was a great day with the boys!

Watching Chewbacca

Happy to see a Wookie

We had a surprise guest:)

Ended the day on a VERY wet note:)  still smiling though.

Until next time:)